Will it ever end?

I feel miserable today. I guess it’s just this time of year. At least high days are over, or is it? Will it ever end, will I ever be able to live as a normal child of God; finding my rest and peace in Him.

I know I’m blessed. I’m healthy and I’m happily married with two beautiful kids. What more do I want? Is this tired soul of mine sinning with these exhausted thoughts of despair.

She always said that DID is complicated but does it have to be this complicated? Where do I hide from all this? Do I go inside and watch them hurting?

How could they do this to us? Why doesn’t it stop! Is this a curse or a blessing? God made us so awesome that we could live through such terrible things. Yet inside their acting as if we always belonged to the devil..

I hate how they just come in and take over. I hate that so many of the alters inside are on the dark side. I hate how they fight against us in their blindness. I want to be free. We had enough pain. We had enough of cages and rituals. We had enough of forced sexual intercourse.

Lord please help us