We moved to the city about 6 weeks ago and we are finally settling in. So far it is the best thing that we ever did. This really feels like home.. a bit more space and a bit more peace, everything I prayed for.
My youngest boy who is now four years old is staying at home with me for a while while the other one goes to school. I’m really enjoying him. Sometimes I just can’t believe that he actually came from me? I think for a long time I believed that nothing good could ever come from me.
We’ve been back to our previous town on Monday because they held a little fair-well party for me and another lady going away. It was nice to see all the familiar faces. They said a few nice things about us, some even cried. Is that possible, that someone could actually see any worth in us – in what we did? I do not say this out of pride but out of humbleness and thankfulness. Maybe some more good can come out of our life.
I read “a Life in Pieces” by Richard K. Baer,
It’s about a woman with multiple personality disorder – as it says on the book itself.
I’m not a book critic. I don’t read a lot of books but I want to share my thoughts on a few things I found in this book. First of all I found it easy to read. The book is written by the psychologist itself. I always wonder what the counsellor is thinking while in therapy. Does he/she believe that I really have parts or is it just part of the profession? I liked reading his thoughts, frustrations and struggles while doing the therapy. I liked him admitting that it was new and that he didn’t always had the answers. I think any therapist saying that he or she does always have the answers is lying.
I could also relate with her getting attached to her therapist. I could relate to wanting to trust and hold onto that person for life but also fearing with every bone, muscle and emotion inside. I think this is where choosing the right counsellor is vital. Every system is different and everyone’s needs are different from each others. I got frustrated with the therapist in the book not wanting to hold her, not wanting to give her and her “little”s the warmth and comfort that they really needed. I do understand in the “professional world” that it really is what it is supposed to be like. I understand that one cannot get too personal and that in therapy one is working towards healing and eventually stopping therapy. I cannot see that happen to me yet. My counsellor is my friend, my mentor and my mother. And we love her! We love feeling safe in her arms, we love her smell and the warmth that comes from within her. We love that she manages to set her boundaries but also giving us exactly what we need. She never tells us what to do. She never in all my frustration with finding out who I really am tell me; she does create a safe environment for me to find out.
Something I also noticed in the book but something not really discussed is the strain the therapy had on the therapists’ marriage. He had gotten so caught up with the intense therapy that it ended his marriage. For me it is very important to know that my counsellors’ marriage is in “good” health. I don’t want my counsellor to have any problems or obstacles in her life because of me. I just don’t want her to brake. She’s like a very valuable and personal object that if I could I would try to keep from any harm. It scares me that she is only human, while I so wished and sometimes make myself believe that she might be some super being.
I skipped two chapters of the book because of the way he describes the integration process. I don’t know if we want to integrate. Maybe you might be asking “what is the point of counselling then..?”
I’m not sure. I believe that we could if all healed work together as a system and still make it work and function as a whole. Maybe one day I will change my mind about it but for now I’m not pressured to make any decision regarding that. I’m happy with how the counselling is going. With us living in the city there isn’t really any major expectancies in our life. I guess it depends from which angle you look at it to decide whether or not it is a good thing. We as alters really get to explore ourselves without anybody really caring what we’re up to .. I guess we should make some long and short term goals to help with staying in touch with reality. It is easy to drift away into nothingness when nobody notices.